So if he's provoking his sister, or not sharing or something like that - if he's making unsafe choices with his body then - it's NOT a timeout and it's NOT a punishment. So Charlie has a safe place too and if he's starting to have a major meltdown or chooses to continue an unsafe choice with his body, he goes to a safe place. I really appreciate that my dog knows when he's done with the kiddos, he needs to go to his safe place where no one can get him. He's telling us that he wants a break and he needs this time and when he comes out, then he's ready to be with us again. We need to let him have his space away from us. So if he is under the couch and Maelie starts to put her hand on his couch I say doodle is in a safe place. We all know this is where doodle goes to feel safe. That's his safe place when we're upstairs, Doodle goes under the couch. So, everyone takes a minute calms down, and then when everyone's calm you can all respond from The logical parts of your brain.Įverybody in my house has a safe place when doodle he's our mini Golden doodle goes to his bed. That is what's happening when we encourage our children to go to their safe place. This is not the teaching moment think back to the Green Arrow moment blog where I talk about the red arrow moment when emotions are escalated and the amygdala has taken over - they're in this fight or flight mode. When you have arguments with your kids are in the middle of fits, or if you're in a fight with your teenager have them go to their safe place because all the emotions are high. He's in a place where he's in control of his emotions. So you can take a minute in your safe place and you can come back when your body's feeling ready."Įvery single time we do this within a few minutes, he's back and ready to come to the dinner table or sit nicely and he's not suddenly changed, "Oh, I'm super happy" but he's calm his body is calm down. I feel upset when I have to eat food I don't like too, but at the dinner table, we don't scream and cry. So books, puzzles, pictures, or breathing reminders.Īnytime I take Charlie to his safe place. It is a place that your child can go to choose to calm down to feel every emotion to have tools or reminders that help them regulate their body. We use a safe place and the safe place is a game-changer in my home and it will be in your home too, especially if you deal with tantrums or strong emotions. They are having a hard time." So if we can look at kids with these mindsets that we're not trying to control them and they are not trying to give us a hard time, but really they're having a hard time and we need to help them develop some discipline in order to function and get through life with happiness. The second quote is "Children aren't giving you a hard time. But instead, we help them learn the impact of their choices and help them develop discipline within themselves off. So we don't just do things to the children hoping that they'll learn from it. She teaches conscious discipline and her quote is "Discipline is not something we do to children. Philosophy Behind the Safe Placeīefore I tell you about the safe place, I want to tell you two quotes that I live by when it comes to discipline and behavior in my home. So what we do might look like a time out to your natural eye, but I'm going to explain how it's different. Timeouts that aren't effective usually result in Slammed doors, yelling frustrated parents doing whatever they can to get the results that they want, and not knowing any other possible way. The expectation is that as soon as they come out of a timeout, they should be behaving well. So timeouts typically go like this: you either have a Time Out Chair, time-out Corner, or they have to sit in a certain place for a certain amount of time. I am going to tell you about the strategy, how it works, and why it's actually one of the best things you can teach your child contrary to the misinformed commenters.įirst and foremost, we do NOT do timeouts in our home. I seriously don't get very many negative comments about the stuff that I teach, except for this so on Instagram, Facebook, and on my blog I've gotten comments before and I'll share some of those as the episode goes on. In fact, it's the topic that I get the ONLY negative comments about. So the safe place is actually something that I get the most negative comments about. Today I'm going to talk to you guys about something called the “Safe Place.”
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